blast from the past...

So this is a picture of me a while back... I was 110 in this photo. A few weeks later I was at my lowest 107 but i don't have any pictures from then. I am in the purple... If i am thinking correctly I was 17 in this photo? maybe 16. I can't remember. I think 16. the girl to the left of me was my ana friend. we would reminisce in how much we "didn't" eat. the girl three to my right became bulimic. 

So the 10 Day is going well. I didn't have any yogurt around though so i skipped out on that had sugar snap peas for lunch. i am going to make some tea after I post this. My stomach is growling spectacularly right now :-) I forgot how much I love to feel my stomach all empty. I didn't take my vitamins at breakfast because since i didn't eat anything I thought it might make my stomach hurt. so i will take them with my dinner. i am surprised that i haven't eaten hardly anything and i feel great! i need to go get more s.f. red bull or whatever tonight. and that yogurt. 


Love you all! <3


Later.... 
today:
s.f. red bull : 10 cals
sugar snap peas : 28 ( ok so i love these and had a ton!)
tomato : 11 and cherry tomatoes : 15
lettuce : 12
carrot: 16
= 92
i also had some tea and lots and lots of water!!


With that intake i sure hope the scale makes me happy!! 


so i went and got more sugar free red bull they were on sale so yay! and then i got vanilla and blueberry activia light for tomorrow and the rest of these 9 days!


Love you all!
<3

10-Day Diet Full On

So I got on the scale this morning as always and i was glad to see the scale had stayed the same. 116.6   i was worried about gaining from yesterday but all is good. my hair is almost her color just a tiny bit redder in some places and blonder in others... i'll post some pics later... 

Now I am starting a super diet with Jane Pansy! Here are the guidelines::


Breakfast: Sugar Free Red Bull (i may be cheep and get sugar free monsters...) (10 cals)
Lunch: Activia Light Yogurt (70 cals)
Dinner: Fresh fruits and veggies (whatever that adds up to...)
Negative calories foods are ok for snacks. 
Decaf tea and water to stay fuller.
Weigh in first thing in the morning. 
Get 7-9 Hours of sleep.
Do yoga or another light exercise or more if you can handle it.


I am pretty excited for this!! I am sipping on my sugar free red bull now :-) And surprisingly my stomach is good with that... 


I will post pics of me again when i get to 111 :-) that is 5.6 pounds away. Hopefully it will be a lot closer after this diet!


Stay strong and positive girlies!!! I am off to search for some amazing thins and read all of your wonderful blogs!! 


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Please don't tempt me...

Thank you girlies for your wonderful and encouraging comments!! It really means so much to me! :-)

The nail polishing went wonderfully! I painted mine this very dark purple almost black but not black. and my friend painted this adorable flower on my thumb :-) oh and my toes are all glittery!!

the tofu and veggie stir fry was too good. i just wanted to eat and eat and eat. i kept myself just eating the tofu and veggies and left most of the rice noodles. i made sure not to serve myself too much. i hope it wasn't too much... i felt like i was eating a feast. then we had some jello shots and i got dragged to this new fro-yo place. i had to get a little bit of something to keep from being questioned. i got the tiniest bit of fat-free coconut with a couple gummy bears. i had like maybe 2 or 3 bites. 

i am somehow feeling so huge right now. i hate eating in front of everyone and feeling like i have to eat a "normal" amount. just eating "normal" food makes me feel icky sometimes. tomorrow will be better. and saturday and monday will be drinking days. i like to eat very little on those days so it doesn't take much at all to get drunk. less calories and more drunkenness :-) 

ok well good night girlies!! 

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GYM! HERE I COME!

I have not been to the actual gym in like 2 whole months! I know! Fat ASS! 
I am about to walk out the door :-)
unfortunately i caved and had a big veggie salad... no dressing though. 
anyways I am off to burn a bajillion calories! 


I will read blogs and post more thinspo and such tonight!


<3


Back from the gym :-) I biked at a good pace on one of those machines for an hour and 30 minutes! When i got up to stretch my legs felt like jelly haha walking home i probably looked like a bafoon... oh well. i am happy with how long i worked out! 
i can't believe i have gained 6 followers since i got back on here sunday night! I love you all! you make me feel heard :-)
it is seven o clock and i am now trying to procrastinate and avoid eating dinner... i think i will have some chicken broth later though. 

later.... ok so i am feeling incredibly weak right now :-( it's good and then not good. so i am about to get a glass of water, maybe some tea and curl up on the couch and watch desperate housewives :-) i skipped out on the broth because i am too tired to heat it up haha i almost caved and had some peanut butter and then gave it to my dog instead. he loved it. for some reason i am really craving starbursts!! my mouth is watering thinking about them. is that so weird?

Still 118? Really?

Yesterday I was negative calories and somehow I have only stayed the same weight. i hate it when that happens! I must have drunk too  much water or consumed too much salt? I hardly ate so I am not sure about the salt. But I kept getting hunger pangs so I kept drinking water. Anyway I kept repeatedly getting on the scale. Like 7 times in a row and 118 every time. ugh i hate that scale... so today i have to be more extreme i suppose. yesterday i went to my favorite grocery store: aldi. they always have tons of fresh produce and it is always cheap! i got tomatoes, lettuce, carrots, and just a bunch of fruits and veggies and then i got this fiber cereal like fiber one but like less than half the price. i am actually surprised it isn't so bad. 

Calorie Intake: (so far) fiber cereal : 45

                                        turkey bacon : 70 

                                        and COFFEE of course!!

I know it is a lot for breakfast but I have to work from 9 ish to 2:30. And i am on my feet doing stuff the whole time. I have to be positive and happy there so i can get good tips :-) but i never eat while i am there so thats good so i ma be able to skip out on lunch completely. i usually do for this shift.

I totally should be living in the 60s :-)

Stay Strong and Positive Girlies!!

Dream Horrors

First things first:


Calorie intake:: 425
Calorie out take:: 652


Total :: -227


So i always have crazy dreams... my craziest have been: 


screaming in my sleep and running for the door while thinking there are bugs in my hair and trying to get them out. i had to be tackled to wake me up.


waking up and jumping out of bed because i was sure someone was standing in my doorway


jumping out of bed because i thought the apartment was full of smoke like it was on fire


and last night was this: i woke up in the middle of the night sure that someone had just knocked on my bedroom window. 


i really don't know why i get these dreams... oh and another one a while back was i dreamed that the skin on my foot was falling off and i was trying to hold it on.


i am hoping tonight is much better! 


sweet dreams everyone!!


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Mornings Mornings

I love it when I start my day off right :-) 
I am down to 118 today. That's 0.6 of a pound down since yesterday and 3 pounds down since Wednesday when I started weighing in again. I know it's a lot to lose in less than a week but I think when you start losing or start losing again you always get this nice big break. Then when I hit 115 again I will be stuck for a while but I am starting off better. Last time I started at 125. 


FOOD ick
breakfast: watery smoothie: 45
                  special k and like a tbsp light plain soy milk : 100
                  and COFFEE!!
lunch:       salad no dressing : 25
                 caprese salad i made : 70 (one tomato with some fresh mozzarella and italian herbs)
dinner: tbd


So i stayed up last night till like 1 or 2 am. thats pretty late for me haha. i was just doodling for my tattoo and looking at people's blogs and finding thinspo. And then somehow I just woke up this morning at 7am. And I am like not even tired. I am actually pretty full of energy... :-) 


Today's agenda:

• go to doctor at 9:45 (nothing too special... last time i went my blood sugar was super low so she wanted to check it again. well i hadn't eaten that day so of course it was low. let's hope it is a little better this time.)
• find a cute little storage thing for my bathroom.... i have way to many things just crammed under the sink
• line the drawers of my desk with this super cute flowery wall paper i found :-)
• eat very little
• online shop at forever 21

I will be looking for more thinspo shortly to add to my thinspo page.

and i will be reading blogs!

MY TATTOO:

it is going to go on my right back and shoulder so like it starts on the shoulder blade and wraps around the top of my arm and chest :-) i have pictures on one of these pages ^^ of my doodles so far

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I am done with exams!! ABC update

So I am done with exams and I am so relieved. Here is my progress so far in day 3 of the abc.


Day 3 : 300 total

           : 70 calorie yogurt (no cereal this time)
           : apple and slice of 35 calorie toast : 85 
           : chicken and lettuce 50
           : melba toast 50
           : 0.5 ounce cheese 25
           :TOTAL : 280 :-) 


Somehow I wasn't even that tired or hungry!! I hope tomorrow goes well. the first day is always the easiest. I will comment on all of your posts now!!
I am not counting exercise... Thats not part of the plan. But i still am exercising just less.
And I am happy to have 13 followers now! Thank you all!


Tomorrow : 


Day 4 : 400 calorie total.
           : 70 cal yogurt again
           : apple, clementine, slice of toast : 110
           : i am not sure i will eat dinner because i am working :-)
           : i will pack 3 thin slices of low fat ham from the deli and melba toast : 78
           : thats all i can think of for now


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How are my ladies?

So I had thought about becoming vegetarian again. That is pretty difficult because if the house I live in currently.
So here is what I am doing instead : the ABC (Ana Boot Camp) diet. I got this idea from Ammie. Check out her blog. She has come soooo far!! Pretty amazing! I think you can click on her name and it should go there...? let me know if it works.
It is a random assortment of calorie intakes for 50 days (0 to 500).
I will put up the calorie intakes by week or something like that. I have also made a page with the whole plan on it.


I have already done days 1 and 2 which are 500 or less each.
Day 3 : 300 total (this is tomorrow)
           : 70 calorie yogurt (no cereal this time)
           : apple and slice of 35 calorie toast : 85
           : a few bites of chicken, salad, and maybe melba toast : 50 + 50
           : and that leaves me 45 calories extra


Day 4 : 400
Day 5 : 100
Day 6 : 200
Day 7 : 400
Day 8 : 300
Day 9 : 500
Day 10 : Fast


I am hoping this goes well. It has to. I need more structure other than just thinking in the back of my head how many calories i have eaten so far. Now i will think : if i eat this i will have this many left.... 


I am going to quickly find some thinspo and get that up then go to sleep.
I have my last exam tomorrow :-)


Think so so so thin!!!


oh and here is a review of the abc plan i found on a website : http://dietchoices.com/diet-plans/ana-boot-camp-abc-diet/

Sally reviewed June 20, 2009

I did this diet about 9 months ago and i lost 20kg on it, lead me to hospitalisation but it was the best 50 days of my whole entire life. i highly recommend it, its great i then later a futher 10kg and was re hospitalised down to 39kg i think, i am now in recovery for anorexia, but dam it was worth it... skinny is priceless. the feeling the look everything about what i went through was priceless, the most valuable time i have had in my life say what you will think what you will abc diet is gold. love. xioxo

A Little Setback

I bought some nice lingerie today for my wedding day :-)

I hope you are all staying strong this holiday season. I have been trying hard these past 2 days but it has not been so good.
I won't go into yesterdays intake and such but I will say that I was not in the negative like I usually try to be.
Today I will be. I just got back from a long run with the dog :-) I burned about 411 calories running and I will get more in later.


So I usually have some pretty weird dreams. Do you guys ever have really weird dreams?
So my dream last night was this: I had mushrooms growing off of my legs. Like not little one but pretty good sized mushrooms. I go to my doctor and ask her what to do about them. She picks one off and gives it to me and says "Here you can eat it." What in the world does that dream mean? If anyone has any ideas, please share.


Think Thin girls!!


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Blerg...

So good news and not so good news. 

Good news : I am down to 114.8 and so I got to my first goal!

Not so good news : I kind of binged today.

I am drinking some laxative tea now. For some reason I have not "relieved my bowels" in like 3 or 4 days.

Intake : yogurt and cereal which i didn't finish for breakfast (59) i only had a few bites :-)
              an open ham and cheese sandwich i made on low cal bread (115)
              clemintine (35)
              cornbread and pasta salad and tiny bits of chicken (175)
              now the binge : 1/3 of a brownie, pretzel thins, some chocolates, a cookie! (344)
                        728 calories! ugh. and it was a lot of bad stuff.
Out Take : i made up for almost all of it. -716 calories!! i ran and walked and ran some more and jogged in place while watching Friends and then did an at home workout. 


Total : 12.


I will post thinspo before i go to sleep. 
Think Thin girls! And I hope you all did better than me today!!


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New Stats and Measurements

My new stats : 
CW : 115.4 :-) Its down 1.2 from yesterday! crazy! but i sure do love it!! :-)
Since I have been on here, I have lost 4.6 pounds. In the last week I have lost : 2.8 pounds.


Intake : 331
Out Take : 614
Total : -283
I finally kept my intake below 500 and even below 400 yey!!


These are compared to my stats on November 15th.


waist : 23.5 (down half an inch)
bust : 32.5 (up half an inch which is weird)
hips : 31.5 (down a whole inch!)
butt : 34.5 (wow down an inch and a half!!)
thigh : 18.5 (also down an inch!)
wrist : 5.5 (same)
bicep : 9 (weird it went up half an inch)


I like that hips, butt and thighs have lost the most! They are my worst areas as i am sure you can all see. I don't care if my boobs get bigger. Thats fine with me and i am sure my other half is good with it ;-)


Anyway, it is exactly 8 days until the wedding! I would really love to be 111 or 112... We will see what happens. Thats like 3 or 4 pounds in one week. I know it is do able but I don't know if it will happen. I will be hopeful though :-)


Love all of your comments!!
Think Thin
Thinspo coming up!
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Quiet Time

So pretty good today!
I am down to 116.6 :-)


Intake : 530
Out Take : 693
Total : -163
This is for now... I may do more exercise.


So I am back at my house. No inlaws or anyone to disturb me. Me and the dog :-)
I will be studying like crazy! And maybe see some of the girls. We will see.


I won't be able to fast because of the studying and when I fast I can't think as well. So I will just eat a little and go running everyday I am here. I will only be here until sunday morning i think.


The Office and 30 Rock and Outsourced on tonight!!


I love 30 Rock!


Stay strong and think thin girlies!! I will try and post a thinspo by the end of the night!!!


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Oh So Sleepy

This will be a short one. I am so tired. One exam down and one to go. Oh and I start working on the 15th. I am excited! 


Intake : 533
Out Take : 610
Total : -77


So I know that I am in the negative but I feel so huge right now. I think it is because I am so tired and I did not get to actually run today :-( I did other workouts and walked instead. I feel so drained. I think preparing for the exam just took everything out of me. I am a 4.0 student and so I study like crazy and make sure I don't get below 4.0.
I think it is part of the OCD type behavior.... I am a little bit of a perfectionist.


Stay Strong Girls! 
No thinspo for today but if you haven't already, check out the past few days. I have pu out a few thinspo posts.


<3

Sleep :-) Ahhhh Sleep

Intake : 461
Out Take : 555 
Total : -94 
That's just for now. I still have to eat dinner with the in laws and then I will burn it all off before I go to bed.


Anyway... So I ran again today probably like 5 miles again. I also did some pilates. But after I got back from the run and showered, I could barely move for some reason. I don't know why. Yesterday I still had quite some energy after the run. 
So I took a nap. I slept for like 3 hours and I still feel pretty weak. It makes no sense to me. The nap was great though!! I love sleep! I haven't been sleeping well through the nights so it was so nice to catch up a little. 


I got on the scale today after my nap and I was 117.2. My new accurate scale is great because I don't have to guess like I did on the old one that didn't have a digital thing on it. I will update my goals because I am back to where the old scale said I was almost. 


Stay Strong girlies!!


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Monday of Mondays

I resisted eating a lovely lindor chocolate ball last night! I was so proud because usually i eat one chocolate every night and it is the first time in quite sometime i made it without one. sort of a ritual so i am glad i broke it.


Intake : 501
Out Take : 696


Total : -195!


I have fallen into my old ways and i am good with that. I start by exercising like crazy. I just go and go and go and go... Today: I ran 5 miles today. Then I did an at home workout : leg lifts, crunches and such, and then I stretched for like 30 or so minutes. Then I went shopping for my wedding band. I swear I walked and walked for so long. I finally came across the perfect one and I can't wait for it to arrive :-) Oh and I am about to burn another 100 or so calories jogging in place. It will probably end up more like 150 or 200.


I know I eat a lot but I try to make up for it. I started this way last time and after about 2 or so weeks I started eating more like 200 calories and then none. I will be skinny soon.


I love you all! I won't write much more but I will post more thinspo! 


Think Thin Girlies!!


Oh and I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE BLACK SWAN!! It's coming to the indie theater near me and I am so excited!!!!


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Super Motivated Sunday!!

So get this... I sort of ate a lot but I worked out so hard. 
Intake: 875 (I went to Jersey Mike's with my father in-law and so had to get a small sub. sort of ruined my intake but oh well. )


Out Take: 1110!! Can you believe it? I took the dog for a loooong run like 5 or 6 miles and then I went and worked out at the gym later! I am not sure what even got me so motivated but I didn't want to stop. I had to stop when the gym closed. Have I totally lost it? I think maybe I was so mad that I ate so much that I just had to keep burning more and more calories! 


Total : -235!


Today's weight : 118 which is 0.2 less than yesterday. I know it's huge. It will be less soon. I just have to keep working out and eat less. Let's hope tomorrow's is less :-)


Oh and I finally found the charger for my camera so maybe I will put up some pictures.... 


I hope everyone is doing great!!


I am going to post some thinspo now! I will have fun finding some awesome pictures!


I love all of your comments :-) Thank you!


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Good Morning!

Today when I woke up I was ready to go. I laid in bed for a couple minutes with the dog and then got up. I was disappointed when I got on the scale... I think running yesterday was not the best for weight loss. I am sure it is good but instead of making me lose I think it made me gain.


I am in a good mood though! I am ready to stay focused and lose lose lose. 


Breakfast : low sugar oatmeal : 120
Lunch :
DInner : 
Out take :
Total :


I will take the dog for a run or walk again today. I think if I just keep running that eventually, hopefully soon, I will lose again. Just build up the muscles first I guess.


I will be posting thinspo hopefully today. It is my bridal shower but I should have some time.


Stay Strong and Think Thin Ladies!!


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This was me at 110. Its a little hard to see but the collar bones are definitely there.

Sometimes I think my mind plays tricks on me

I bought a scale today. I had been using the one here but I did not feel like it was very accurate so I got one today with 0.2 lb increments. I like being able to know exactly how much I weigh. exactly. this afternoon it said 118.2. i think it will be less in the morning.


i was driving today and i thought i saw a naked man walking down the road. turned out he was wearing khaki carrharts. 


Intake : 657 
Out take : 476
Total : 181


the little app i have on my itouch tells you what weight you will be if everyday were like today and it said in 5 weeks i would be 103. I would love to be 103!


so my sister also "diets" and her bmi is 18.4. Point one under weight. she is super skinny. i think she is also ana but i know she probably wouldn't tell me. i think she knows i was before. i don't know though. lucky her though she is taller than me.


hope everyone is getting super thin!


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A Bright Side of Thursday

Well yesterday I applied for a job and today I am supposed to call K to follow up. The place opens at 10 so I am thinking I should call at 10:30? I mean she has to have some time... I don't want to be annoying. I am excited though! I miss having a job.


Today is also my last day of class before exams. I have 2 exams. I really do not want to go... but I feel like if I don't go I might miss something important about the exam... So I will go maybe just for the first half though. 


Intake : 
Breakfast : black coffee and a light activia yogurt with cereal : 165
Lunch : Green beans, some chicken, slice cheese, 2 slices low cal toast : 175
Dinner : Low-fat beef stewed in water on a white bun : 233 
Other : some chocolate.... 52


Total : 625


Out take : 704


TOTAL : -79!! :-)


So I got this new app on my itouch : My Fitness Pal. It's pretty cool. It tracks what you eat, what you exercise, your weight and your goals. It's free. It has a ton of foods in there, even by brand name! I think it will really help me because I can get on it anytime... like when i can't get on here. I am sooo motivated today. I know the food was a lot but i made up for it in exercising! I just made made myself workout for an hour and a half to work off those disgusting calories!!


I was looking through my photos and looking back to when I was 107 and 110 and I looked so good and happy. Then I looked at the pictures when I started purging and was more like 115 and 118 and looked god awful. My cheeks were rosy, my face was sort of puffy and I just look like a balloon. Then I look at pictures of me at 120 without any purging... Just eating like a "normal" person. I don't look all weird in the face anymore but I do look fat. Especially my legs. and bones arent visible at all anymore. Looking through these pictures really makes me want to be back there. thin and happy. I need to be there. so I will be there. I will make concrete goals. 


Think thin everyone!!


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