Not in the mood for a giant ramble really so i will put it in a bulleted list.
- the ED started when i was 14 (living in france at the time)
- i didn't know i had it until i was 16 (living in england)
- the cutting started around 16 or 17... i can't remember
- i used to dance: ballet mostly
- i still have the ugly fat (well.... muscly) calves - i hate them
- at 17 i got down to about 107... bmi 17.8
- after that i didn't have a scale for about 3 months so my truly lowest weight i am not too sure of
- then i started being more bulimic
- this did not do great things for me
- it screwed up my teeth, made me gain weight
- the good thing: i got so good at throwing up that i could do it with out sticking my finger down my throat and without making noise
- i could throw up at home with people in the next room and no one knew
- that gave me a sense of accomplishment - sick i know
- then i started exercising crazy and got back down to 109 and stayed between 108 and 109 for a longtime
- then we moved again and i gained some
- i was at like 114 and hated it
- the cutting got worse
- i still have big scars from this time... i was 17 and 18
- then the parents found out about the cutting and sent me off the psych ward
- stayed there for a week
- then had to keep seeing a psychiatrist - never really told him anything that was true
- then i met my hubby
- he knows about some of this stuff
- well... he knows about the cutting and that i had some kind of eating disorder
- my friend of 5 years only just found out about my cutting and psych ward experience
- she may have been too drunk to remember i don't know
- anyways... i was "cured" from about when i was 19 to 20
- relapsed a few months before our big wedding
- went from 125 to 112 in three months
- then the hubby left and i went back up to 125
- then back down to 110
- and now i am back to 117
love you all!!!!
