My Story

I know not many people will read this page. Just want to put the facts out there. 
Not in the mood for a giant ramble really so i will put it in a bulleted list.

  • the ED started when i was 14 (living in france at the time)
  • i didn't know i had it until i was 16 (living in england)
  • the cutting started around 16 or 17... i can't remember
  • i used to dance: ballet mostly
  • i still have the ugly fat (well.... muscly) calves - i hate them
  • at 17 i got down to about 107... bmi 17.8
  • after that i didn't have a scale for about 3 months so my truly lowest weight i am not too sure of
  • then i started being more bulimic
  • this did not do great things for me
  • it screwed up my teeth, made me gain weight
  • the good thing: i got so good at throwing up that i could do it with out sticking my finger down my throat and without making noise
  • i could throw up at home with people in the next room and no one knew
  • that gave me a sense of accomplishment - sick i know
  • then i started exercising crazy and got back down to 109 and stayed between 108 and 109 for a longtime
  • then we moved again and i gained some
  • i was at like 114 and hated it
  • the cutting got worse
  • i still have big scars from this time... i was 17 and 18
  • then the parents found out about the cutting and sent me off the psych ward
  • stayed there for a week
  • then had to keep seeing a psychiatrist - never really told him anything that was true
  • then i met my hubby
  • he knows about some of this stuff
  • well... he knows about the cutting and that i had some kind of eating disorder
  • my friend of 5 years only just found out about my cutting and psych ward experience
  • she may have been too drunk to remember i don't know
  • anyways... i was "cured" from about when i was 19 to 20
  • relapsed a few months before our big wedding
  • went from 125 to 112 in three months
  • then the hubby left and i went back up to 125
  • then back down to 110
  • and now i am back to 117
love you all!!!!