Friday, April 26, 2013

What do I want?

What do I want these days?
Do I want to live in a world where my happiness is controlled by my weight?
Do I want to always be worried about what people think of me?
Do I want to always be worried that I will end up depressed and suicidal?
Do I want to look forward to the pain I inflict on myself?
Do I want to constantly look for reassurance from others?
Do I want to be obsessed with calorie burning?
Do I always want to be counting calories?
Do I want to keep counting the hours, minutes, seconds since the next time I can eat?
Do I want people to really know me? Is it worth knowing me? Am I a good friend?
What do I want to do with my life? What do I want out of life?

It's been months with out a scale. I feel fat, ugly, and tired most of the time.

I feel too tired to make friends. People I work with are nice sometimes and other times petty.
They are mostly all fat. Why do I include that here?

My emotions are like a roller coaster.

I ordered a scale. It will be delivered in a few days.

Husband is coming home tomorrow. He was gone for almost 3 weeks. It's up to me what we do on Sunday. I have no ideas... Not much to do here. I may see if he wants to go to the gym with me or running or something lie that. Then maybe a movie in the afternoon?

I do more online shopping now. I have been meaning to go to Victoria secret these past couple weeks but haven't felt good enough to go... Times almost up.

Love y'all.


1 comment:

  1. I hate the list me make ourselves. It runs though are heads daily every minute every second. Sometimes I wonder why. What programs us to think like this and other people dont? I have two mental groups in my head people are either bigger than me and these people are huge so I know I am not that big or smaller than me. I cant seem to find a person that is "my size" my brain just doesnt work like that and it drives me crazy. Hope that boy is ok and all works out. Have fun sunday look forward to hearing from you again.


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