What do I want?

What do I want these days?
Do I want to live in a world where my happiness is controlled by my weight?
Do I want to always be worried about what people think of me?
Do I want to always be worried that I will end up depressed and suicidal?
Do I want to look forward to the pain I inflict on myself?
Do I want to constantly look for reassurance from others?
Do I want to be obsessed with calorie burning?

Do I always want to be counting calories?
Do I want to keep counting the hours, minutes, seconds since the next time I can eat?
Do I want people to really know me? Is it worth knowing me? Am I a good friend?
What do I want to do with my life? What do I want out of life?

It's been months with out a scale. I feel fat, ugly, and tired most of the time.

I feel too tired to make friends. People I work with are nice sometimes and other times petty.
They are mostly all fat. Why do I include that here?

My emotions are like a roller coaster.

I ordered a scale. It will be delivered in a few days.

Husband is coming home tomorrow. He was gone for almost 3 weeks. It's up to me what we do on Sunday. I have no ideas... Not much to do here. I may see if he wants to go to the gym with me or running or something lie that. Then maybe a movie in the afternoon?

I do more online shopping now. I have been meaning to go to Victoria secret these past couple weeks but haven't felt good enough to go... Times almost up.

Love y'all.

Ana

Real life...

Well it sucks sometimes... I was worried about one of my students and so I did some research on him and brought my findings to the AP. after they did some of their own research, they agreed something is up. With dark circles under his eyes all the time, failing 3 of 4 classes and his passivity... They are now looking into getting the social worker involved. I hope it gets better... I'll be keeping my eye on him.

I've done yoga every day this week :-) makes me feel great. I really want to have a great beach body here soon. When the weather starts getting nice I want to spend time at the beach. Now that we only live 15 mins from the ocean :-)

Well it's Big Bang theory time and then sleep. Got to wake up at 6am every morning now...

Love you all
<3 p="">

Abs?

What are your opinions on having a six pack as a girl?

I don't have one but I am getting good definition... The hubby likes them and wishes I wanted one... I don't want a six pack because I think they are just unladylike or whatever   I don't know I'm open to change I guess.

In the middle of doing some stripper yoga right now... Just taking a quick break. It's pretty much a mix of yoga and sexy dancing I made up. I'm doing it to a pandora mix of lmafo radio. Keeps me fit and not bored.

Sorry for the choppy post and long absence. Graduated and got a job! Woot woot. The business made me lose weight then gain weight. And no scale right now :-(. I guess it's good and bad. I just have to keep staying on track.

Love you all!!!

<3 p="">

this will be short

friday was great. had a luna bar for breakfast and some veggies with a little bit of hummus for lunch. that was it! no dinner! total for friday: 230 maybe and i think that is still high

saturday was not as great.... husband made me breakfast! english muffin (a light one at least) with cheese, bacon (minus the icky total fat parts), and some guacamole. yummy... but probably like 300 calories. then we had barbecue for lunch maybe 400 calories and burger for dinner 400 calories. plus a beer! 120. total.... whopping 1220!! 

today.... banana bread for breakfast 200, leftover burger for lunch 300 (fewer toppings!) and hopefully something light for dinner. total so far... 500.

my weights... saturday morning! a lovely 113.4! I checked like 10 times! 
this afternoon at like 2pm ish.... 115.4! I know it was after breakfast and lunch but still.

i wont have a scale again until friday. at least it is 1.6 pounds less than last sunday!! Would have been nice to be 3.6 pounds less though... let's hope great things for friday!!

love you allll!!!!!!!
welcome new followers!!! ill check you out probs tomorrow!!

get at me!

can you believe this is post 200?? crazy!

food is doing awesome today:
breakfast : peach chobani 140
snack : tiny apple 35
lunch : carrots, cherry tomatoes, and hummus 100
snack : come tortilla chips and guac : 200 (i know but still pretty low)
Total so far: 475

i am so tired today... dont even know why. i am going to try to do a total of 30 mins exercise today: crunches, pilates and yoga

love you all!!!!!!!!