i have been pretty off and on with exercising lately... i should try harder to workout more often even if its just yoga or something. I will make that my goal for the next couple weeks!
food stuffs today has been alright... better than last week and the week before.
breakfast: luna bar 180
snack: half banana 50
lunch: carrots, green beans and hummus 130
snack: pasta! ugh. small bowl with pesto 200
total so far: 560
my mom is making pork and risotto with mushrooms! so fatty and high cal!! I have to eat a small portion and not make it look like i am watching what i am eating. i used to be so good at this... let's see how i do. it's weird being back at the family house after being gone for so long...
unfortunately i cant weigh in while i am here unless everyone is gone which is like never.... so probably no weigh in until friday or saturday...
how often do you think about dying? about writing a note? about inflicting pain on yourself until its all you can think about? how many scars do you have? how many bruises? how many hidden blades? how many times have you had to wear that hoodie because you had to cover up some cut even though its burning up?
i keep thinking about writing that note. for safe keeping just in case.
i put a dent in the wall a couple weeks ago with my head... had a lovely bruise on my forehead for a few days... just thought maybe, just maybe, i wouldnt hear the voices in my head anymore.
on my radio this week: modest mouse and bright eyes
love you all!!!
I used to smash my head against the wall too as a form of self harm, to "make the voices go away"...it worked for an hour or two...but never lasted...the best thing is to just keep a diary, or as i do...just talk to myself, about how i'm feeling etc...until my brain has no more room to think about them anymore :) xx
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