Stuck in a rut or what?

I am still 114.4. Yesterda wasn't so bad so I don't know why I am still the same. I think I may be exercising so much and getting more muscles? and they weigh more... It's hard though, when i start exercising I get addicted to it and just have to keep exercising. I'm sure you girls know what I mean. I have lost my measuring tape for the time being so I can't check to see if maybe I've lost and inches with these muscles. Bleh. I just have to keep going. Here's some random thinspo...

I have to get working on some school stuff so I have to go... just wanted to post real quick and I will comment when I take a little break.

Love you girlies!!!!

<3

 

Got to get to 111

I am determined to get to 111 and soon. I have told myself that my reward is to get this tattoo i have been planning for so long. I need to be skinny for it. So yeah. I have to do this.

Just a little side note... I was walking through campus noticing how lovely and empty i felt and i started humming a tune in my head... here are the words: (think dory from finding nemo)
Just stay empty, just stay empty, empty empty
What do we do? we starve starve starve


I just kept repeating it and it made me feel better and not want to eat. :-) 
Later though my in-laws found me at the grocery store (i had to fax something) and dragged me to a chinese place. ugh. i do not like chinese food. i had a vegetable dish and just picked at and moved the food around and chewed realllly slow. 
when i got home i turned on desperate housewives and did aerobics for the full 43 minutes non stop. 


muscle conditioning was killer this morning. i could barely lift my legs towards the end haha. but i love going. i am going on friday again and thursday night is yoga.


I love you all!
Sorry for the weird and random post today... I am feeling a little weird right now. maybe i am just really tired?


<3

GOOOOOOOD Morning!!!!!

Ok... How I have managed to stay at 114.4 is beyond my imagination... well the ex-lax helped but still I thought I would have gained. So happy I didn't. 

It is 5:29 am and I am going to leave for muscle conditioning in like 8 minutes ish. I am sipping on my s.f. red bull but only drinking half so i can drink the other half afterwards since i have a sort of long day... 
First day of school is today and I really hope the weather cools down some more so i can wear autumn clothes... :-) I absolutely love scarves and sweaters!! I have like 10 scarves at least right now and I am planning on buying two more when the weather cools down a little. yay!!
I am going to make 113 my mini goal for now since maybe that will be more motivating.... Only 1.4 pounds to go!


LOVE YOU GIRLS!!
<3

I need a new plan.

I am such a fatty right now. I binged. Like really binged. And I am embarrassed to list everything but I have to: it started out with a spoonful of peanut butter, then some pretzels and then some pretzels with cream cheese (at least it was fat free and only 30 cals per 2 tablespoons), more swedish fish, more pretzels, a fiber one brownie thing (90cals), a dinner roll (with lots of butter), sugar snap peas and i think thats it... oh and two bits of ex-lax chocolate to flush it out. hopefully. 
In total... about 565 calories!! how awful!! I am so sorry i let you all down... I had been doing so good. I just cracked. I just kept eating and eating and eating. And then I did not want to purge again so i took some ex-lax but i know that won't make up for it. i am so gross right now. 
so here is my new plan::
I am going to make up a bunch of 5 day diets since it seems i lost control today on day 6. I am going to switch my ana boot camp thing to be a list of these diets. here are a few::


Breakfast: SF Red Bull (i'm obsessed now)
Lunch: Big salad no dressing- a slice of 45 cal toast is ok
Dinner: Smoothie or V8 juice
Snacks: veggies or fruit in moderation


Breakfast: smoothie or V8 juice
Lunch: soup - any kind but check the calorie content and keep it below 150
Dinner: smoothie or V8 or broth


Breakfast: fat free greek yogurt plain with fruit (a little bit of honey is ok)
Lunch: SF Red Bull
Dinner: Veggies and fruit


Breakfast: Eggs (hard boiled, poached... not fried or scrambled)
Lunch: 45 cal toast sandwich (veggies with a light spread like guacamole or lite hummus)
Dinner: Soup


Breakfast: Hot water with lemon and fat free greek yogurt or activia light
Lunch: Hot water with lemon and Veggies with hummus or something
Dinner: Hot water with lemon and thick soup (split pea or something)
(lemon helps burn fat!)


Breakfast: SF Red Bull
Lunch: veggies- hot or cold
Dinner: soup


I think will do these for like 3 days or 5 days or just stick to the plans. I do not want to get bored or sick of them. I think maybe thats what happened with the 10 day? I don't know. But I think I will just keep coming up with new combinations to keep things interesting.


I love you all! and hope you did much better than me today!!! I hope these ex-lax kick in soon. Stupid 6-12 hours... (On a side note... i used to take them all the time and worked up an immunity to them so i am hoping the couple years i haven't used them broke the immunity.... i used to have to take like 5 or 6 for anything to happen!)


<3

No support for the troops?

I am really getting pissed off by the bank we have our car loan with. My name is not on the car loan and my husband is deployed. I was given power of attorney and i sent it to them like 3 times and they still won't tell me anything. They keep sending forms and papers and telling me they need more information but this time there is like nothing I can do. They want a copy of my husband's driver's license. Well... he is deployed and has it with him so how am i supposed to fix that? I don't even know where he is... I have told them he is deployed and they just don't care. They say they are going to raise the rates if I don't miraculously come up with it within 60 days. Sorry... I just had to vent.

Food has been ok today. I had my sugar free red bull and then i had the salad for lunch instead of dinner again. I was just so angry after i got off the phone with the bank and i really wanted something to eat! So i ate 5 mini pretzels and 3 swedish fish. Blerg. It's not so bad but i am still just so angry. Sorry girls. 

Tomorrow is muscle conditioning at 6am again and then i work from 8 to noon and then i have school 1:30 to 4:30. I got a really good schedule this year since i am a senior. :-) I am thinking tomorrow night i will be going to bed early. my second class tomorrow is yoga! i am really excited for it. 

love you all!!! and thank you for the wonderful comments! They mean so much to me! 
<3