Thursday, September 22, 2011

an interesting development

so i am pretty sure i am more bulimic than anorexic these days. or perhaps i am back to anorexic with bulimic tendencies or maybe bulimic with anorexic tendencies.
i am purging like everyday now. exercising like a crazy person. fidgeting all of the time. never sleeping. bingeing at night like i can't control it. not eating all day until i get home at like 5 or so. its weird. 
i have been staying the same weight which i guess is good. at least i am not gaining. but since i dont eat all day i get really tired. i drink lots of coffee. then i get home and have something healthy like an apple or something and walk the dog. i come back and then begins the binge. its been like this for the past 5 or so days. then the next day i have to make up for eating so much the night before so i dont eat and the cycle starts over.
i need to break this awful cycle.
tomorrow is crazy busy friday. i have work then school then i need to finish a project and go to my brothers game. 
love you all!!!

ps - i will post in the morning much happier hopefully. today's binge was better than yesterdays. small steps i guess. at least i have it out there in the open... well sort of. i need to get back to losing and stop letting myself and you all down.
i can do it. we all can.


  1. Here is how I broke the exact same cycle today. I always hear that voice in the back of my head when I'm about to eat. She screams just don't do it or she quietly says f*ck it, you want to be fat go ahead. Today, actually 10 minutes ago I found myself in the kitchen sitting on the floor with easy mac in my hand. I thought for second and and tried to think about which one weighed more so that I could have the one with the most. Then I closed my eyes took a breath, and she spoke. I stood up put the easy mac in the cabinet. Went to the bathroom, took another deep breath and said its not worth the agony I will feel in 10 minutes. It's not worth the ounce of extra weight. It's not worth having to work out till I can taste blood. It's just not worth it. I'm now locked in my bedroom eyes glued to thinspo, and blogs.

  2. Why don't you try changing up your routine so you don't fall into the same cycle? And definitely look into sleeping pills, sleeps important after all. :) OH been meaning to tell you how much i LOVE your new haircut. Peace X

  3. There's actually 2 types of anorexics, the first type is only restricting your food. The second type is restricting and purging


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