Mornings Mornings

I love it when I start my day off right :-) 
I am down to 118 today. That's 0.6 of a pound down since yesterday and 3 pounds down since Wednesday when I started weighing in again. I know it's a lot to lose in less than a week but I think when you start losing or start losing again you always get this nice big break. Then when I hit 115 again I will be stuck for a while but I am starting off better. Last time I started at 125. 


FOOD ick
breakfast: watery smoothie: 45
                  special k and like a tbsp light plain soy milk : 100
                  and COFFEE!!
lunch:       salad no dressing : 25
                 caprese salad i made : 70 (one tomato with some fresh mozzarella and italian herbs)
dinner: tbd


So i stayed up last night till like 1 or 2 am. thats pretty late for me haha. i was just doodling for my tattoo and looking at people's blogs and finding thinspo. And then somehow I just woke up this morning at 7am. And I am like not even tired. I am actually pretty full of energy... :-) 


Today's agenda:

• go to doctor at 9:45 (nothing too special... last time i went my blood sugar was super low so she wanted to check it again. well i hadn't eaten that day so of course it was low. let's hope it is a little better this time.)
• find a cute little storage thing for my bathroom.... i have way to many things just crammed under the sink
• line the drawers of my desk with this super cute flowery wall paper i found :-)
• eat very little
• online shop at forever 21

I will be looking for more thinspo shortly to add to my thinspo page.

and i will be reading blogs!

MY TATTOO:

it is going to go on my right back and shoulder so like it starts on the shoulder blade and wraps around the top of my arm and chest :-) i have pictures on one of these pages ^^ of my doodles so far

<3

Wow It HAs Been Forever!! I am BACK!

my incredibly awful weight gained up to: 118.6


i need to get back on track and get back to where i was when i left... 115. and then i would love to get to 111. i love that number. and 105 would be smashing.


i am working on my tattoo design now so of course i went and found some tattoo thins! check it out on one of my pages ^^ 
it's going to be flowers done in an alice in wonderland original style illustrations and i might throw a mushroom in there. :-D


missed you girlies!!


<3

Wow Its been like 3 months!

Ok so things have been crazy for the past few months. my husband has deployed recently and so i have gotten a little off track. i have still been running a lot... i now run between 2 and 5 miles every other day ish. sometimes when the weather is just beautiful i don't want to stop and just keep going haha. i wonder if any of the people I used to follow are still around...?
on the scale... I am 117. ugh. so like 3 pounds up from my last entry i think. i have been horrible with food lately. i don't eat a lot but i eat awful foods. like chinese last week. and a burger on yesterday (i only ate half but still). i dont always eat dinner but then i will have chocolate before i go to bed. it has just been a mess really.
i need to get back with it. i should be on here every day i think. so please help me keep on track.

just a little happy note: somehow i have managed to keep the space between my thighs :-) i want to make it bigger though like how it was a few months ago. i think i was down to like 111 around christmas...

been watching antm :-) i wish i was tall enough... only 5'5''

think thin thoughts!!
love <3

A Wednesday for Wednesdays

So the wedding was of course amazing and I was at 114 for it. Maybe less since I didn't hardly at all for the two days before and during but I also didn't have access to a scale. 114 was the last weight i had seen on the scale. 
I am 116 now which isn't the worst like I said but I know I need to get to at 112. 


So as for the measurements I have : 

November 26th :                           January 12th : 

waist : 24 inches                          Waist : 23.5 

bust : 32                                       Bust : 31.5

hips : 32                                       Hips : 31

butt : 35.5                                    Butt : 34.5

thigh : 19.25                                 Thigh : 18.5 

wrist : 5.5                                     Wrist : 5.5

bicep : 8.5                                    Bicep : 8.5

Weight : 117 .5                                Weight : 116

With only a pound and a half down since Nov. 26th that is terrible! Argh!

I have lost inches though and the space between my legs is great!! I put my knees together feet forward and no part of my thigh touches the other one! That was one of my major goals the first time around. I do not know how it didn't happen or I was too busy counting calories and all that I forgot to actually look at myself in the mirrir for progress. I was mainly worried about the scale by the time I got to 115 and then after that until 107.

Oh and I went to the gym for an hour and 30 minutes today :-)

Anyways, I want to put up pictures but I am afraid they will show up on like google or something and someone will see it. We'll see.

I hope you all are great! I am going to comment you now!

<3

Monday of Mondays

I resisted eating a lovely lindor chocolate ball last night! I was so proud because usually i eat one chocolate every night and it is the first time in quite sometime i made it without one. sort of a ritual so i am glad i broke it.


Intake : 501
Out Take : 696


Total : -195!


I have fallen into my old ways and i am good with that. I start by exercising like crazy. I just go and go and go and go... Today: I ran 5 miles today. Then I did an at home workout : leg lifts, crunches and such, and then I stretched for like 30 or so minutes. Then I went shopping for my wedding band. I swear I walked and walked for so long. I finally came across the perfect one and I can't wait for it to arrive :-) Oh and I am about to burn another 100 or so calories jogging in place. It will probably end up more like 150 or 200.


I know I eat a lot but I try to make up for it. I started this way last time and after about 2 or so weeks I started eating more like 200 calories and then none. I will be skinny soon.


I love you all! I won't write much more but I will post more thinspo! 


Think Thin Girlies!!


Oh and I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE BLACK SWAN!! It's coming to the indie theater near me and I am so excited!!!!


<3

A Bright Side of Thursday

Well yesterday I applied for a job and today I am supposed to call K to follow up. The place opens at 10 so I am thinking I should call at 10:30? I mean she has to have some time... I don't want to be annoying. I am excited though! I miss having a job.


Today is also my last day of class before exams. I have 2 exams. I really do not want to go... but I feel like if I don't go I might miss something important about the exam... So I will go maybe just for the first half though. 


Intake : 
Breakfast : black coffee and a light activia yogurt with cereal : 165
Lunch : Green beans, some chicken, slice cheese, 2 slices low cal toast : 175
Dinner : Low-fat beef stewed in water on a white bun : 233 
Other : some chocolate.... 52


Total : 625


Out take : 704


TOTAL : -79!! :-)


So I got this new app on my itouch : My Fitness Pal. It's pretty cool. It tracks what you eat, what you exercise, your weight and your goals. It's free. It has a ton of foods in there, even by brand name! I think it will really help me because I can get on it anytime... like when i can't get on here. I am sooo motivated today. I know the food was a lot but i made up for it in exercising! I just made made myself workout for an hour and a half to work off those disgusting calories!!


I was looking through my photos and looking back to when I was 107 and 110 and I looked so good and happy. Then I looked at the pictures when I started purging and was more like 115 and 118 and looked god awful. My cheeks were rosy, my face was sort of puffy and I just look like a balloon. Then I look at pictures of me at 120 without any purging... Just eating like a "normal" person. I don't look all weird in the face anymore but I do look fat. Especially my legs. and bones arent visible at all anymore. Looking through these pictures really makes me want to be back there. thin and happy. I need to be there. so I will be there. I will make concrete goals. 


Think thin everyone!!


<3

It's Been One of Those Weekends...

I really don't want to talk about it so here is the recap:
My other half and I had a fight. He has not forgiven me for things that happened 2 years ago. He says we have drifted apart and do not share hardly anything in common anymore. I am not sure what to do really because I have been trying so hard to keep things good with us. Everytime we are together we get on each other's nerves lately. 
I wrote a letter that states what to do if one day I don't wake up. I will keep it just in case. I haven't had those thoughts in about 2 years... Well maybe a little less than two years. I thought I had gotten past all of that and would be happy forever. Life isn't a fairy tale.
Oh and to top it off... my period started yesterday and I could not stop eating. Ugh. Today will be my first chance to get on a scale in over a week and I am afraid to.


Usually I would write something on the bright side but I don't know what. The wedding is in like 2 weeks and I am not even looking forward to putting on my perfect dress. I will comment on all your posts I have missed or at least read them. 
I need to be on here more so I stay on track better.


Think Thin!!
<3

Measurements

November 15th :                           November 26th : 

waist : 24 inches                          Waist : 24

bust : 32                                       Bust : 32

hips : 32.5                                    Hips : 32! Down 0.5

butt : 36 (argh)                              Butt : 35.5! Down 0.5

thigh : 19.5                                   Thigh : 19.25! Down 0.25 

wrist : 5.5                                     Wrist : 5.5

bicep : 8.5                                    Bicep : 8.5

Weight : 119 .5                                Weight : 117.5

Total loss : 1.25 inches.... And 2 pounds...

Hmmm..... 

So I found the Thin movie documentary on youtube. I'm at part 6 right now. Today I have the house to myself and I am determined to workout so hard. I have been doing leg lifts, crunches, squats and i am going to do some push-ups soon. I am thinking about going to the gym but I probably won't. I hate that I have to drive there and it's like almost 30 minutes away! But there is a scale there.... but maybe I shouldn't weigh myself until I am sure I have lost. You weigh more after you exercise anyway. I will wait. 

I really want to get to 115 soon. And then 111. At 111 my bmi will be 18.5. My lowest weight was 107 and that bmi was 17.8. Sometimes its weird to think I was there at one time. And I remember thinking i was still huge but if you look at the numbers i wasn't. I think I will take the dog for a walk now. Then I have to finish the paper.

Out take : 190 so far.

Check out the thinspo i posted.

<3

Negative... In a good way :-)

The day was pretty good. 


about 5 bites of oatmeal (50 maybe)
two ounces of cheese with some crackers (250)
honey crisp apple (50)
pasta with tomato sauce (120)
two small chocolates (65)
one slice ham which i shared with the dog haha (10)
Total : 545


Out take : 688!! (Driving, walking, stretching, exercises- leg lifts, squats, sit-ups, push-ups..., pilates)
I was somehow very motivated today to exercise... i love it when that happens :-)
TOTAL : -143!


I love being in the negative! 


i am going to try and make my blog look prettier somehow.... if anyone has tips on that let me know...


<3

blerg

its a word i have adopted from 30 Rock.


so today has been horrible and i dont want to talk about it really but if i do then i can realize how disgusting i am and be better tomorrow.


intake:
oatmeal (130)
soup and salad (100)
a few chocolates (180!)
cookies (200)
another salad (50 because of cheese)
a biscuit (65)
peanut butter on toast (115)
TOTAL : 840!
I havent done this bad in a week!
oh and to top it off my other half will be home late. dinner is in the oven and i will have to eat it. blerg.


out take: 300 awful.


OVERALL TOTAL : 540.


for some reason i have been really tired today. i meant to clean the whole house but ended up only doing the living room, bedroom and part of the kitchen. at least i got the laundry done.


tomorrow will be better because i will be incredibly busy. i will try to get on here but im not promising anything.


stay strong people!!!!


<3

A Weekend of....

I am watching Grey Gardens. A film with Drew Barrymore about some of the kennedy sisters. I love Drew Barrymore. I know she isn't incredibly thin but I think she is just so incredible. She is inspiration where twiggy in thinspiration. we can have both.


So I am not going to go into the calories i have consumed so far this weekend. it would just take up time. so here is a smidget of my intakes and out takes:
Friday: I did pretty good really. oatmeal (which i didnt finish), soup (chicken broth and crackers just a few), and salad which i also didnt finish). My out take: ballet, and some stretching and other exercises.
Saturday: not as good. oatmeal, soup again, and then i had a few chocolates! ugh. then a small home-made grilled burger and some macaroni and cheese. oh and two small cookies! blah! Out take: only some walking around and some push-ups. how terrible.


Anyway.... i have been reading the blogs i follow but haven't had enough time to comment. i will as soon as i get enough time. i can't get on here when people are around...


you all need to watch this movie! it is so funny!


so for some reason yesterday i was hurting in my hip-sockets... it was so weird.
oh and i am not allowed to have a scale so i am not sure what i weigh at the moment... i can only weigh myself when i am at my parents house when they aren't and find a way to the scale. so i usually only get to weigh myself like once a week... my parents sent me to the hospital when i was 17 because they were "worried" about me. the doctors there diagnosed me with depression and bulimia. I stayed there for a week and i swear it was probably the weirdest week of my life. you wouldn't believe some of the girls that came through there...
about the diagnoses: at that point i had gotten so disappointed inmy eating habits i would just binge like crazy and throw it all up. i would put the weirdest things together and eat them. one of my most common binges was this: ice cream (any flavor...) marshmallows, peanut butter, chocolate chips, cookies, brownies, anything sweet i could get my hands on. and i would eat it as fast as i could so no one would know i ate it and then i would go up and purge it all! i got so good i could throw up and not make a sound.
as for the depression... my parents had noticed the cutting and found my diary. they sent me there and of course you can imagine those looks. it was like they were afraid of me. i had had a suicide attempt.
thats really in the past now though. its like a different life really. i hardly know that me.


now i am more of a happy with most things type of person. i try to be happy. i would describe myself as happy happy.


well that was surely a long essay. probably bored you all who read this.


stay with it! <3

The Day In Review

Food:
5 spoons of plain nonfat yogurt with 1/4 cup low fat granola
Salad: lettuce, tomato, one ounce of cheddar cheese, 3 melba toast
Fiber One
Dinner Roll with one tbsp butter spread
4 bites of chicken
More salad (only veggies)


Total: 600 calories


Exercise: Walking The Dog and Around Campus: 250


Total : 350 calories.


I am on a relapse and not fighting it. After almost 2 years without counting. Im back to counting. It feels good. Well, I am going to sleep. You can't eat when you are in your sleep. Or perhaps you could eat dream food. No calories there. Good night. <3