A Weekend of....

I am watching Grey Gardens. A film with Drew Barrymore about some of the kennedy sisters. I love Drew Barrymore. I know she isn't incredibly thin but I think she is just so incredible. She is inspiration where twiggy in thinspiration. we can have both.


So I am not going to go into the calories i have consumed so far this weekend. it would just take up time. so here is a smidget of my intakes and out takes:
Friday: I did pretty good really. oatmeal (which i didnt finish), soup (chicken broth and crackers just a few), and salad which i also didnt finish). My out take: ballet, and some stretching and other exercises.
Saturday: not as good. oatmeal, soup again, and then i had a few chocolates! ugh. then a small home-made grilled burger and some macaroni and cheese. oh and two small cookies! blah! Out take: only some walking around and some push-ups. how terrible.


Anyway.... i have been reading the blogs i follow but haven't had enough time to comment. i will as soon as i get enough time. i can't get on here when people are around...


you all need to watch this movie! it is so funny!


so for some reason yesterday i was hurting in my hip-sockets... it was so weird.
oh and i am not allowed to have a scale so i am not sure what i weigh at the moment... i can only weigh myself when i am at my parents house when they aren't and find a way to the scale. so i usually only get to weigh myself like once a week... my parents sent me to the hospital when i was 17 because they were "worried" about me. the doctors there diagnosed me with depression and bulimia. I stayed there for a week and i swear it was probably the weirdest week of my life. you wouldn't believe some of the girls that came through there...
about the diagnoses: at that point i had gotten so disappointed inmy eating habits i would just binge like crazy and throw it all up. i would put the weirdest things together and eat them. one of my most common binges was this: ice cream (any flavor...) marshmallows, peanut butter, chocolate chips, cookies, brownies, anything sweet i could get my hands on. and i would eat it as fast as i could so no one would know i ate it and then i would go up and purge it all! i got so good i could throw up and not make a sound.
as for the depression... my parents had noticed the cutting and found my diary. they sent me there and of course you can imagine those looks. it was like they were afraid of me. i had had a suicide attempt.
thats really in the past now though. its like a different life really. i hardly know that me.


now i am more of a happy with most things type of person. i try to be happy. i would describe myself as happy happy.


well that was surely a long essay. probably bored you all who read this.


stay with it! <3