First of all... I will explain my unfortunate binge purge cycle last night. 4 years ago I was sent to a mental hospital on account of my parents worried that I would do something harmful to myself. I stayed there for a week.
It had all started when my parents decided to move us again. I had been in France for two years at a French school where I spoke no french. Then we moved to England and I spent Years 10, 11 and 12 there. After Easter in Year 12 my parents decide to move us back to the states. There were only 4 weeks of school left where we moved so I didn't have time to make many or any good friends. My summer was not looking good. (I had started my eating problems back in france the second year and they just escalated until i got to 107 in year 11. then i started purging and couldn't keep the weight off. i stuck around 115. the cutting started in year 11 as well.) So I had no friends. All I had was a crappy job and lots of time to do nothing. I starting planning my suicide. I had kept a journal of pretty much all of my crazy thoughts and ideas. At the end of the summer I went back to England for a week to spend time with my friends. Everything was great. I had my little pill box of codeine and sleeping pills and I was planning on ending my lousy life one of the last days I was there. And I almost did. We were at a party and I had been drinking and I felt it was time so I went upstairs and got the pills and took them. Then I sat at the top of the stairs just watching everyone and waiting. One of my friends found me though and forced me to throw everything up. Failed attempt.
My folks never found out about that but they just started noticing the cuts. I had been so ready to end things I had given up on trying to hide them. So they sent me to the hospital about 2 weeks after that attempt.
Anyways... yesterday I found my journal and stupid me I decided to read it. I admit that some of things I wrote in there like the poetry is pretty awesome but it just put me in a weird mood and so I binged and purged. Twice.
I am 112.2 today. Not as bad as I had thought but still.
Thanks for your comments girlies! They mean a lot to me!!